He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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