woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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