He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
