Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
