The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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