So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
