If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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