I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
