i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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