Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
