you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
