cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
