I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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