Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you didnt know i had herpes?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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