Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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