yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
