My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
