I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
