I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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