Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
