Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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