So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
