i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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