I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
