she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
