He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
