Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
