Bisexual people are plain selfish.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
