I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
