Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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