i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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