i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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