I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just puked most of my soul out..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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