As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
