I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
