White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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