I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
