No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
