If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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