You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
