I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
