the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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