Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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