This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
