you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
