If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize