if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
