I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
