pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm going to jail i love you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
