Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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