ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
