There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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