whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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