Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
