thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
