masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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