My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
