Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
