I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
