Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
