Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
