walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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