it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
