Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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