I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
