um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
