i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
