I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
