It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
