He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Damn victory sex feels great
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
